Is there really such a thing as a time machine??

One of the first cinema experiences that I remember fondly was seeing The Time Machine, circa 1960. I’m not sure if Hollywood has had the bad taste to make a new version, but this original starred Rod Taylor and Yvette Mimieux. As a child I was intrigued with the idea of time travel.
Now, I am still intrigued with time travel and I have actually done it. Not with a fabulous machine, but with Botox, fillers, and a facelift or two. Hours at the gym, the ocean, yoga, pilates and lest we forget, good old-fashioned liposuction also provided a great trip.

Something relatively new on the market is another type of time machine called Coolsculpt. This works by freezing fat cells, which the body then excretes through the kidneys. It is all the rage in some circles, but I would not use this as my boarding pass when I want to fly back a few decades. And I always want to fly back a few decades, as long as it is not to my twenties or teen years. Yuck! Even if I could I would never want to.

In fact, at this stage of my game, I am happy with flying back to fifty. That was a great year for me. I think the guys who openly flirted with me a few minutes ago were around that age. I did not even have make-up on.

An acquaintance of mine went to San Juan metro doctor and had CoolSculpt done. Actually, the doctor was nowhere to be seen; the technician did all the work. $1800 later, there was absolutely no change in this woman’s figure. I mean nada.

In fact, she was not even a candidate for the procedure as far as I can tell. This contraption is supposed to target small bundles of fat that are resistant to exercise. It is not for the person who has fat from bow to stern.
The dirty secret about CoolSculpt and almost all medical machines is this: A doctor has to use the machine to pay for it. The doctor who got this woman on it is firmly on my “do not consult” list.
I wondered why she did not go for good old-fashioned liposuction. Actually, I hardly ever wonder—I just ask.
She was afraid of needles. How ridiculous! She had gone through the rigors of childbirth. In case you are a man reading this let me explain. Childbirth is akin to squeezing something as big as a watermelon through something the diameter of garden hose. Once you do this, the concept of pain becomes meaningless.
It is very possible to get affordable liposuction. Some doctors will even do a local anesthetic and do it in their offices. That is, if there are only one or two sections to do. A trip in a time machine to the future will yield many more procedures done with local anesthetic. I actually had my first face lift done with local and conscious sedation.
The only reason that I would not do it that way again is that it is a crashing bore.
The surgeon asked me, “How do you feel?” at intervals. I replied, “I’m bored.” At one point I even said, “I bet you really know how to sew, don’t you?” Forget about it—give me a nice sleep any day.